I've been abandoning this page for quite sometimes. To be honest, I was not in the right mood to think properly, let alone to spill out whatever it is on my mind. I'm entering a "quartercenturyhood" and at this moment, for the first time, I feel nothing except gratefulness towards Allah the almighty for keeping my feet together, holding me back from a downfall.
Life is overrated. But one single fact about life which can't be discarded is that it is a never ending story. Be it love story, families story, friends story or careers story, life covers it all. And for 25 years of living, i need millions of memory cards to install all the pictures and details of each.
So many things happened in the past few months. I broke up with someone whom I thought I'm gonna spend my life with. I cried for days and nights, mourning over the loss like nothing else matters. I locked myself in the room, painfully lost 3kgs only in 2 days and struggling to focus on my new job. The feelings are beyond description. Sometimes it makes me wonder why God gives me so much love when at the end of it, he's going to take it all away. But I realize that things happened for reasons, I may not believe that before but now I do. My break up story was cheap. It's effortless. It was done over the phone and the only words he uttered to end everything was "we take a break"... which I eventually understood that it was actually a break up. Since then I didn't hear from him. We live 11km away from each other, we had tons of good times together, but he chose to end it in the most unkind manner, not even an apology. People can be cruel and I have no right to stop them.
I wanted him to know that I've been wondering how on earth does he sleep at night. How on earth does he manage to live on other people's misery. But wait a minute.. heartless people is heartless people. They simply don't care because that is just what they are. And Aimee Mann sings:
In our endeavor
We are never seeing eye to eye
No guts to surface
So forever may we wave goodbye
And you're always telling me
That it's my turn to move
When I wonder what could make the needle jump the groove
I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book
So don't sit there and think
You're off of the hook
By saying there is no use changing
Cause that's just what you are
That's just what you are
Acting steady Always ready to defend your fears What's the matter with the truth Did I offend your ears By suggesting that a change might be a thing to try
It would kill you just to try and be a nicer guy
Its not like you would lose
Some critical piece
If somehow you moved point A to point B
Maintaining there is no point changing
Cause that's just what you are..
I regret him. I do. I have never met such a coward person like him. Irresponsible jerk. If people think that educated person is smarter and more responsible, they are definitely wrong. It doesn't matter where you come from, because at the end of the day, your action will define what kind of person you are. I wish I could turn back the time and made a wiser decision. It was a complete blunder. But I know I'm unable to do that. Nevertheless, I believe Allah has a better plan for me and that I have so many things to learn, and I'm certain that I need to be a better person myself, a better Muslim. I'm seeking for nothing except for forgiveness and guidance from Allah..
It has been 4 months since I broke up and he has already found a new lover, in fact he's been chasing her before the break-up and really, i think he can be a godfather for all woman's lovers out there. How the hell does he manage to fall in love that easy? Does he even know the meaning of love anyway? So for those of you who are facing with difficulty in moving on, please go and see him, he has all the tips at the back of his hand I suppose. Ouch, rough jokes.
Some people might say, don't be bitter. I tried not to. But it's not the bitterness that I put myself into. It's a frustration, disappointment and excruciating feeling of being betrayed. It's not easy... and .. like I said, it's beyond description.
But hear me now. I stand still. I have a strong will and soul. That's Rifhan. I will break down, I will cry but I won't lose myself. Don't ask me about finding a soulmate, because serenity is what I'm searching for now. Life is bigger than just being in love. And I know Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya.. and if I don't find him in this life, I know I'll meet him after my lifetime. Goodnight world. you kill me and you wake me up :)
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you..
Chris Martin, thanks for this powerful shit. I adore you ;)
